Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Al Gore slams Rumors

Listen, I have not been having an affair.

First, having sex burns 25 calories per 5 minute. That's a waste of energy! And as you sweat during sex, you release carbon dioxide. And let me tell you, with my love handles, I have way too much skin with which to poison the earth.

Would I chance a quickie to satisfy my own lust, and kill a Pelican in the process?

Its all in my new book, The Tipper point- Sex, Sweat, and Global Warming.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Sir Paul McCartney defends knocks about George Bush

hey bloke- I got me every right to make some jokes about poor old King George Bush. So don't be knocking me right too - by changing my songs around- like I sees on this here blog. Lennon did not writ any of them, I did it all me self. See, I am an intellectual now, I've been knighted by the bloody Queen- I am whats called an idiot servant, or cervantes, I think. I would knock your Palin loving teeth into the backside of your head but I left me Depends on me jet. Ever since I got the animal rights religion in me soul, I eat so much salad I compose me music in the water closet.

And don't you be saying I ripped off black music- I did, but I wrote Ebony and Ivory , I say.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

McCartney Is Honored at White House - The New York Times

We all live in a black jet stream, a black jet stream....

Now shake up it up BP now, shake it up BP, belch that silt, belch that silt...

Black Bilge spilling in the dead of night...

Well, the sea is now unclean- you know what I mean, and the way it looks, well beyond repair...

That long and winding lode that leads to the shore, will never disappear....

Sarah Silverman Comments- Exclusive

Hello, you racist, big, slob-

I see you are writing your blog again. You have an audience of eleven, so you really don't concern me. My book has topped over 87 sold. Ok, forty of those was to the 92 Street Y in New York.

Sarah Palin is a dope. I, however, write learned books about my overcoming bed wetting. My literary agent is hoping I come down with fibroids soon so we can post a sequel.