Monday, December 21, 2009

Press Clippings from around the Nation

Senator Harry Reid denied that a member of his staff Bernice "Pepsi" Tanner "channeled" Senator Edward Kennedy to ask the late Senator for tips on passing health care reform. In a statement to the Congressional Mishaps Press , however,Senator Reid did not rule out a seance later next year if Republican continued to stonewall on the legislation.

Sierra Club Members offer to retrain out of work coal miners whose livelihood has been disrupted by environmental policies. " Our members always need good caddies, maids, and bellhops", said Peter Thurston Osgood, Northeast Sierra Club co-coordinator," and damn if we can't teach anyone to make a really good Tuber salad". ( Condor Daily News, Biceps Colorado).

Police arrested two members of theTroy New York Chapter of the ACLU in a Nativity Theft. Inebriated after the chapter's annual winter solstice party, the two ACLU members, Tye Hacksmershim and Zoner "Boots" Kadorfi ,grabbed a plastic cow near the infant Jesus, and tried to hail a taxi. The taxi driver became suspicious when the two asked the cab driver if he was a Hindu, and if "giving a ride to cow "would be "insensitive". "When I wouldn't let them in, they called me a facist", said Lionel Goswami, "so I had the dispatcher call the cops."

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