Dear Blog Editor of Sarah Palin Haters- Do they speak Austrian
As a funny man, and intellectual, as a form of life beyond your comprehension, I am allowed to make insulting comments about Sarah Palin and her baby.
Consider:
Have you heard of J.D Salinger. Great writer. Possibly one of the greatest writers of the last decades of twentieth century. Well, he was half Irish, and half Jewish.
See! I am half Jewish, and I am half Irish. Got it. I am a great intellectual. And I am funny. Do you think Kant did pratfalls? I can do pratfalls. I can make funny noises, and throw my voice so nobody knows. I once made a fart noise while Alan Greenspan was discussing economics with Chris Mathews and Arianna Huffington at a salon gathering. Boy, Greenspan turned beet red; and Andrea Mitchell was mortified. Then I put a fart bag under Mitchells seat- and all the time I kept discussing Jean Genets "The Maids' with her without batting an eye.
True, I only went to Cornell- the lesser of the "Ivy League". But only because the Nuns were against me and rewrote my college essay to Harvard in crayon.
So stick it! You and your blog!
(By the way we do not give out tickets to my HBO show. Nobody would come. We tell stupid tourists to LA that they are going on a reality show, and whoever laughs the loudest gets a BMW.)
Showing posts with label Bill Maher. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bill Maher. Show all posts
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Hate Mail- Horrible Liberal Hate Mail!
Your blog is racist. Racist Sir! You don't even use the word "Negro" once. Which means you don't make distinctions between different types of black people, and that means you are not liberal, which makes you a racist.
Harry Reid- Capital Building
My name is not Martha Coakley- it is Martha Choakley--- the emphasis is on Choke. You are a are a stupid sexist big pig. And Yes! I am married. No Lesbian Jokes.
Martha Coakley- Candidate for Dogcatcher 2013 (See now you have me doing it!)
I would like to point out I am a comedian. I am funny. Really. Just yesterday, I stuck two toothpicks in my nose, pretended to be a walrus at Arbys, and asked two Nuns who was sexier St. Augustine or St. Aquinas. They didn't know!!
Bill Maher
Sarah Palin is a fascist. Yesterday, she was spotted at Filene's basement ripping a Coakley button off a seven year old progressive. Teresa says Palin's a fascist, because Palin is a size 4 or less. And I believe Teresa- after all, she's a size 14, so she's gotta be a good American. Right. Though its not too much fun to go body surfing with her. Especially when those damn tourists go whale looking off the coast of our summer place.And start snapping her picture. And she takes it out on me later. Believe me.
John Kerry
You just make up these letters. My agent told me so. And No, I am not posing naked with an Arctic fox for PETA. I am posing naked with an Elephant. And those elephant trunks are cold. And they are horny for such big animals. But we gotta make sure it stays cold for those Elephants up there in Alaska.
Ashley Judd
Harry Reid- Capital Building
My name is not Martha Coakley- it is Martha Choakley--- the emphasis is on Choke. You are a are a stupid sexist big pig. And Yes! I am married. No Lesbian Jokes.
Martha Coakley- Candidate for Dogcatcher 2013 (See now you have me doing it!)
I would like to point out I am a comedian. I am funny. Really. Just yesterday, I stuck two toothpicks in my nose, pretended to be a walrus at Arbys, and asked two Nuns who was sexier St. Augustine or St. Aquinas. They didn't know!!
Bill Maher
Sarah Palin is a fascist. Yesterday, she was spotted at Filene's basement ripping a Coakley button off a seven year old progressive. Teresa says Palin's a fascist, because Palin is a size 4 or less. And I believe Teresa- after all, she's a size 14, so she's gotta be a good American. Right. Though its not too much fun to go body surfing with her. Especially when those damn tourists go whale looking off the coast of our summer place.And start snapping her picture. And she takes it out on me later. Believe me.
John Kerry
You just make up these letters. My agent told me so. And No, I am not posing naked with an Arctic fox for PETA. I am posing naked with an Elephant. And those elephant trunks are cold. And they are horny for such big animals. But we gotta make sure it stays cold for those Elephants up there in Alaska.
Ashley Judd
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
"Death Panels" Lie of the Year - Emails
Leave it to the Saint Petersburg Times , a Russian Newspaper, to expose Sarah Palin for the liar she is- and call her out on the "Death Panels". Why don't we have American newspapers doing that? I have to go now- PETA is photographing me nude with an Artic Fox snuggled in my breasts. Cute ears, but such nasty teeth. Little bastard really rips up my falsies.
Ashley Judd
Ah Ashley Dear, Your heart is in the right place- but the Saint Petersburg Times is owned by the left leaning Poynter Institute and is based in Tampa Florida. I was worried that they would choose Obama saying Doctors make 30,000$ cutting off feet. Whew dodged a bullet there! See when liberals use hyperbole ( look it up Ashley), we call it Lincolnesque- when conservatives do it, we call it lies. Got it.
Paul Krugman
"Death Panels" was chosen as the lie of the year by almost 5,000 readers of the Saint Petersburg Times. Some say this is not a fair representation of a nation of 300 Million people, but we stand by it. OK , my mother voted twice.
Editor- Saint Petersburg Times
5,000 people is almost as much as see a UFO in a year. So you know its scientific.
Sanderson "Brucie" Campbell- Horses End, Vermont
This has nothing to do with Death Panels, but I want people to know I am a real comedian. Even though I haven't said anything funny in years, I still got it. Pretend I have an Apple in my ear. Then you say, "Gee, Bill, you have an Apple in your ear". Then I say, " I can't hear you I have an Apple in my ear". HBO loved it!
Bill Maher
Would someone please tell Maher, for the joke to work you need a banana in your ear. Take it from me, I have had alot of bananas in my ear over the years. Well, maybe not a banana, but close enough.
Kevin Jennings- White House
Ashley Judd
Ah Ashley Dear, Your heart is in the right place- but the Saint Petersburg Times is owned by the left leaning Poynter Institute and is based in Tampa Florida. I was worried that they would choose Obama saying Doctors make 30,000$ cutting off feet. Whew dodged a bullet there! See when liberals use hyperbole ( look it up Ashley), we call it Lincolnesque- when conservatives do it, we call it lies. Got it.
Paul Krugman
"Death Panels" was chosen as the lie of the year by almost 5,000 readers of the Saint Petersburg Times. Some say this is not a fair representation of a nation of 300 Million people, but we stand by it. OK , my mother voted twice.
Editor- Saint Petersburg Times
5,000 people is almost as much as see a UFO in a year. So you know its scientific.
Sanderson "Brucie" Campbell- Horses End, Vermont
This has nothing to do with Death Panels, but I want people to know I am a real comedian. Even though I haven't said anything funny in years, I still got it. Pretend I have an Apple in my ear. Then you say, "Gee, Bill, you have an Apple in your ear". Then I say, " I can't hear you I have an Apple in my ear". HBO loved it!
Bill Maher
Would someone please tell Maher, for the joke to work you need a banana in your ear. Take it from me, I have had alot of bananas in my ear over the years. Well, maybe not a banana, but close enough.
Kevin Jennings- White House
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