More Horrible Hate Mail!

Dear Scum:

You are probably some religious cracker crawling on your belly with a semi- automatic between postings. Conservatives are violent racists. We progressives believe in racial equality and affordable housing- unless it is on the upper West Side of Manhattan, near the "Coop" in Harvard Square, or anywhere near Rodeo Drive. I interact with all sorts of minorities at Barnard college all the time- I order takeout a lot . My boyfriend - Trace- has a really good friend named Rasta Jean who gives us lots of pills really cheap. So anyway I hope you die a violent death choking on your own vomit.

Have a nice Day!

Risa "Beeper" Fleishman


I think we have exposed Sarah Palin, and the "Tea Party" for the racists they are. You argue that the absence of audio or video of anything remotely resembling racists rants from Tea Party meetings is ambiguous; Liberals, Sir, do not need evidence. None of our political philosophy is based on reality or practical experience. So get a big hemorrhoid and drop a big stool, you fascist pig.

Anthony SoterGod- Berkeley class of 1990,Performance Artist.

I have been at Harvard now for six months. Yesterday, in my intro physics class, the upperclassman had me squirt water over my shirt and jump up and down to learn how gravity affects tidal water. I bet you think the world is round, and want to kill all the wolves just like Sarah Palin. Well, its flat, that's what my TA told me, that's why we walk standing up-- otherwise we would roll right over the edge! I bet Sarah Palin doesn't know that!

Ashley Judd, Harvard

More Liberal Readers Respond!

Sarah Palin is a dummy. She took 100,000 for a speech!. Why, I get three hundred thousand per speech, and I don't even believe what I am saying.
Al Gore

I am not stupid. I was let into Harvard. The Admissions committee said they were really impressed and the tuition would only be 800,000$ per semester, they would let me make a 1,000,000 $ donation to the Harvard Wolf Refuge for victims of aerial hunting, though they said they would build it "really soon". They also said it would be a good idea if I donated a urine and stool sample to the Harvard Square Woman's Health Study Clinic. I am still not sure what furniture has to do with health study.
Ashely Judd

I am not a bitch! I used to show William Safire my thong all the time. He would get real red, but at the time, he needed to know what a thong was to write about the Clinton Monica scandal. So see- I help people all the time. And no, an abridged copy of my book " Are men really necessary" is not being handed out with Trojan's new vibrator. Ok, when I was dating Micheal Douglas, I did once tape his member to his stomach, when he was sleeping, but only because he made me watch "Romancing the Stone" five times when we had sex.
Maureen Dowd- New York Times

Readers Respond

Ok, so we made up alot of stuff about the Himalayas melting. But you know how hard it is to raise money for UNICEF. Anyway, what we are not telling you is that a large asteroid is heading towards Earth. This will happen by 2025. Everybody who has not bought the UN Model #45 Asteroid shelter - featuring waterless toilets, Yoga Prayer Mat, and teak wood paneling- will perish. You can purchase your own , safely tucked away in a salt mine in Hungry- for 859,000$ on our installment plan.
UN Secretary at large- Charles Rogaine Of Mylanta

Am I liberal or a progressive? I am confused. I am at Harvard now. Is that good too? What do I have to read to be a progressive? My agent said Newsweek, the New Yorker, or the Jungle Book. But I think he is pulling my leg.
Ashley Judd

Hate Mail- Horrible Liberal Hate Mail!

Your blog is racist. Racist Sir! You don't even use the word "Negro" once. Which means you don't make distinctions between different types of black people, and that means you are not liberal, which makes you a racist.

Harry Reid- Capital Building

My name is not Martha Coakley- it is Martha Choakley--- the emphasis is on Choke. You are a are a stupid sexist big pig. And Yes! I am married. No Lesbian Jokes.

Martha Coakley- Candidate for Dogcatcher 2013 (See now you have me doing it!)

I would like to point out I am a comedian. I am funny. Really. Just yesterday, I stuck two toothpicks in my nose, pretended to be a walrus at Arbys, and asked two Nuns who was sexier St. Augustine or St. Aquinas. They didn't know!!

Bill Maher

Sarah Palin is a fascist. Yesterday, she was spotted at Filene's basement ripping a Coakley button off a seven year old progressive. Teresa says Palin's a fascist, because Palin is a size 4 or less. And I believe Teresa- after all, she's a size 14, so she's gotta be a good American. Right. Though its not too much fun to go body surfing with her. Especially when those damn tourists go whale looking off the coast of our summer place.And start snapping her picture. And she takes it out on me later. Believe me.

John Kerry

You just make up these letters. My agent told me so. And No, I am not posing naked with an Arctic fox for PETA. I am posing naked with an Elephant. And those elephant trunks are cold. And they are horny for such big animals. But we gotta make sure it stays cold for those Elephants up there in Alaska.
Ashley Judd

"Death Panels" Lie of the Year - Emails

Leave it to the Saint Petersburg Times , a Russian Newspaper, to expose Sarah Palin for the liar she is- and call her out on the "Death Panels". Why don't we have American newspapers doing that? I have to go now- PETA is photographing me nude with an Artic Fox snuggled in my breasts. Cute ears, but such nasty teeth. Little bastard really rips up my falsies.
Ashley Judd

Ah Ashley Dear, Your heart is in the right place- but the Saint Petersburg Times is owned by the left leaning Poynter Institute and is based in Tampa Florida. I was worried that they would choose Obama saying Doctors make 30,000$ cutting off feet. Whew dodged a bullet there! See when liberals use hyperbole ( look it up Ashley), we call it Lincolnesque- when conservatives do it, we call it lies. Got it.
Paul Krugman

"Death Panels" was chosen as the lie of the year by almost 5,000 readers of the Saint Petersburg Times. Some say this is not a fair representation of a nation of 300 Million people, but we stand by it. OK , my mother voted twice.
Editor- Saint Petersburg Times

5,000 people is almost as much as see a UFO in a year. So you know its scientific.
Sanderson "Brucie" Campbell- Horses End, Vermont

This has nothing to do with Death Panels, but I want people to know I am a real comedian. Even though I haven't said anything funny in years, I still got it. Pretend I have an Apple in my ear. Then you say, "Gee, Bill, you have an Apple in your ear". Then I say, " I can't hear you I have an Apple in my ear". HBO loved it!
Bill Maher

Would someone please tell Maher, for the joke to work you need a banana in your ear. Take it from me, I have had alot of bananas in my ear over the years. Well, maybe not a banana, but close enough.
Kevin Jennings- White House